Inspirational

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February 25, 2010

Stay Motivated Through the Winter Blahs!

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photo credit: via weheartit

So we’re about seven weeks into 2010, and this is the time that many of us start to drop off on the goals or resolutions we set for ourselves at the beginning of the year.  Whether we blame our workload, personal responsibilities or the weather, the reality is that staying on track with our long-term goals is not always easy.  I don’t want this year to be like every other for you, so I’ve put together some tips and strategies to help you stay motivated.

1.     Remind yourself.  First and foremost, remember why you’re doing it.  Motivation is much stronger than willpower, especially in the long-term.  This means that you need to have a strong goal that motivates you.  It should also be visible and top of mind every day – out of site means out of mind.  So find a picture or image, or just write it down somewhere where you can see it every day.  This will motivate you to make choices aligned with your goal on a consistent basis.

2.     Book it.  Here’s the thing…. If it doesn’t get scheduled, it doesn’t get done.  With our lives as hectic as they are, we have to schedule everything, from doctors’ appointments, to lunches with girlfriends to carpool and driving the kids to hockey practice.  The same goes with your goals.  You must get into the habit of putting your action steps into your calendar – this includes gym time, meetings, as well as personal time for reading, writing, research or brainstorming.  Still can’t find time for your goals?  Consider this – we make time for what we value.  Re-evaluate where you spend your time.  This will help you find an additional hour or two in your week for the things that mean the most to you.

3.    Narrow your focus.  While multi-tasking seems to be the new standard for our lives and many of us proudly talk about our ability to do dozens of tasks at the same time, studies are showing that we may be doing more, but the quality of our output is actually diminishing.  We are so used to trying to do everything at once, many of us try to tackle too many goals at once too.  If you find you are trying to do too much or change too much at once, you need to narrow your focus.  Pick the one thing that’s most important to you and only focus on that one thing for the next 1-2 months.  Once you have created momentum, you can re-evaluate your capacity to move onto goal number 2.  It may seem initially like you are doing less, but you will accomplish much more.

4.     Ask for help.  Contrary to what you may believe, you don’t need to do it on your own.  In fact, I want you to remember that most successful people have others around them that have helped them to succeed.  So stop trying to be a hero and do it yourself.  There’s nothing wrong with you, it may just be that you haven’t found the right support system that works for you.  Consider your options – friends, family, community groups, mastermind groups, coaches, coaching programs, courses, mentors.  If you haven’t tried this yet and are not where you want to be, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and ask for help.

Giving up is not an option.  Staying the same is not an option.  Pick just one of the above strategies, re-commit to your goals and get going!

Before you know it, we will have made it through February, spring will be just around the corner and you will be that much closer to reaching your goals!

To your health and happiness,
Feature Writer
Victoria Joanna
 

February 23, 2010

Have You Set an Intention for Your Trip Called Life?

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In The Red Book, A Deliciously Unorthodox Approach to Igniting Your Divine Spark, author Sera Berk says, “Your intention is the energy, the electric charge, the awareness that you bring to every aspect of your life. It’s the force that lies behind everything you do…Your intention helps create the pathway to your experience. She then suggests that readers use their intention in a way that “helps you give more conscious direction and divine spark to life’s ordinary and extraordinary moments.”

When it’s all said and done, “setting your intention” is just another way for stating what you want to see occur in your life or in a given situation. You don’t get in our car and drive aimless, hoping to get some where. Usually you know where you want to go and your preferred route to get there.  In the course of your trip, traffic or a closed road may force you to take a detour, but  you eventually end up where you “intended” to go.

It’s curious that we don’t consciously set intentons in our lives or in our businesses. It’s even more amazing that although we don’t declare our destination (what we want to occur in our lives or businesses) we are confused and disappointed when we don’t achieve happiness or prosperity. Setting your intention is critical to mapping out a plan about how to achieve your personal or career goal.

Bear in mind though that when you set your intention, it may shatter some illusion. Setting your intention may expose the fallacy or obsolence of your desire. You may be compelled to confront the notion that what you wanted is no longer a good fit.  Let’s continue with the trip scenario.  You intended to go to a particular place and you got their without any problems. However, upon your arrival you find: the store closed; the meeting cancelled or a blind date, who’s older, fatter and balder than his online photo.

What do you do now? You simply say thank you for the lesson and create a new intention—one that resonates with who you are now, with what you know now and with what you REALLY want—now.

Let me be clear…you’ve got to do more than set an intention to have the life and business that you’d like. You’ve also got to create a plan and then take steps toward your goal.  As the Bible says, So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead (James 2:17) which boils down to prayer alone is not enough.

Setting your intention is about taking responsibity for your life.  It means that you’ve clearly outlined what you want to create for yourself and/or business in a given day, week, month, quarter or year. Certainly you’ve got to be flexible to new information and to new opportunities and to changing circumstance. However, not setting your intention is similar to rolling the dice and hoping it all works. Not bloody likely. You can’t set a course without a destination and you can’t get to your stated destination without a course.  You see– having an intention and a proposed plan are inextricably linked to you achieving emotional, physical or financial success.

Yvonne Bynoe, Feature Writer

P.S. If you enjoyed this post today, do me a favor and share it on Twitter, Facebook, Digg, or any of the other sites you see below as well. And I’d love to get your feedback… What do you think? Also don’t forget to download my FREE report: 5 WAYS TO LOVE YOUR LIFE NOW and STOP BEING A GUILTY, STRESSED OUT WORKING MOTHER that can be found at SophisticatedWomanandMama.com

 

February 4, 2010

More Sex Can Improve Your Life & Business

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Can having a better sex life improve your business? The answer is probably yes.   Marie Forleo, author and creator of Rich, Happy and Hot mentoring program for women believes that your business may suffer from your lack of sex. In an article titled, “Is Your Sex Life Affecting The Success of Your Business?” Marie says, ” A healthy sex life is essential to being a vibrant, passionate, and fully self-expressed human being and therefore, essential to being a truly successful entrepreneur. After all, we start our businesses not only to earn a great living, but to make a difference in the world.  And that can only happen when we are operating at our full potential.  A healthy sex life feeds us on an emotional, physical and psychological level and simply leaves us more vibrant and engaged in our businesses and lives.”

Perhaps it’s the Whore/Madonna thing but “good” mothers don’t talk about themselves as sexual beings.  For many women once they have children, being a mother becomes their paramount role.  The woman who enjoyed sex disappears and is replaced by a dutiful mother who channels all of her energies into her children.  Sex is no longer about her pleasure or the opportunity to create a sacred union with her man—it’s reduced to being another unwanted obligation.

Why do so many mothers believe that reveling in their sexuality is incompatible with good parenting?

If you believe that sex is all about pleasing your man, then in the midst of raising your children and building your business it’s easy for you to push his needs to the back burner. You may feel that you have the ability to be a good mother or even a good entrepreneur, but as a woman you may not feel up to par. Perhaps you’re heavier than you’d like or you’ve been lax with your personal grooming. You don’t feel sexy so you’re anxious about getting undressed and making love with your man.  Although you can use sex to connect with your partner, essentially sex is an expression of your own life force. If women represent love on earth, then it stands to reason that if you deny your sexuality you’re also denying  the desires of your soul.

Generally, working mothers who are stressed out by too many demands, too little support and too little “me-time” are not that interested in sex.  However, you can’t have a great life if you’re ignoring your sexual yearnings.  Are you weakening your marital/relationship bond by not connecting with your partner on a regular basis? Do you have the relaxed state of mind that you need to nurture your children and to run your business? A sexually fulfilled woman is happier and brings that joyful spirit to her parenting, relationship and work.

7 Ways Working Mothers Can Get Their Sexy Back

1. Buy New Lingerie. The feel of good quality silk or satin on your body will remind you that you are a sexual being.

2. Exercise. Moving your body at least 30 minutes a day will get your blood pumping and your juices flowing.  Most important your body imagewill improve as your shed unwanted pounds. Don’t have access to a gym? Why not try a pilates, yoga or belly dancing DVD?

3. Get a new hairstyle. A new hairstyle can make you feel fresh and young. Look at magazines and bring your hairdresser pictures of hair do’s that you like. Opt for a hairstyle that’s both fashionable and functional.

4. Have a spa day. Can’t afford a real spa, then carve out a few hours at home to luxuriate in the bath and to give yourself a facial, manicure and pedicure.

5. Go on a trip with your significant other, without the kids. A romantic trip, even if it’s only an overnight hotel will give you the privacy and freedom to rekindle your sexual flame.

6. Get a new scent. The power of scent is greater than you think.  Test some perfumes at your local department store. See what scent make you feel sexy.

7. Spruce Up Your Bedroom. Your bedroom should be a retreat for romance and for rest. Clear out the clutter (including kids toys). Buy some new bedding and add touches like scented candles and plants.

You may also be interested in:

Mamas: Let’s Talk About Sex

Why Self-Care is Important for Working Mothers

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Yvonne Bynoe, Feature Writer

Learn how a FREE Working Moms StartUP session could help you to reduce your stress at home and at work and also help you find more “me-time,” each week. For more details, please drop me an email at Yvonne@SophisticatedWomanandMama.com. You can also connect with me on Twitter at Twitter.com/YvonneBynoe and on Facebook at Facebook.com/YvonneBynoe

 

January 30, 2010

New Year’s Resolutions. Why do we need a special date to change our behavior?

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As humans we tend to procrastinate and put off what we could do today.  Does the person with a terminal illness have the luxury of procrastination.  We all want some extent of change in our lives, a new figure, more money, improved relationships, the list goes on and on.  The date should not matter, the fact is we are here today.  Life is short and the journey moves faster and faster.  January 1st or June 1st participate in life.  Make your thoughts ACTIONS today.  Feel the rain on your face, the sunshine on your back, for yesterday is already a memory, tomorrow is not promised.  Today is a gift of the present.

 

January 29, 2010

Finding Your Passion – Clue#1

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Over the next few weeks, I’m going to write a number of posts to give you some tools you can use to begin to identify your passions.

I meet so many people that tell me they are ready to make a change in their life, but have no idea where to start. They may have more than one interest that is pulling them in different directions or they have found they have gotten so far off track, they are having a hard time identifying something they are passionate about.

Not only is this topic an important focus of life coaching, I believe it’s an essential part of health and wellness as well. Our passions feed our spirit. They give us joy, happiness, fulfillment and inspiration. They motivate us and give us something to look forward to in our day or week.

When passion is missing in our life, we look for that satisfaction and fulfillment in other places – food, alcohol, television, relationships and even work. All of these things are not “unhealthy” in themselves, but when they are used to numb our real feelings or ignore a larger issue, then they become unhealthy, sometimes to the point of addiction.

I’ve found over the years that at the root of most people’s eating or weight issues there is usually something deeper. The people that come to see me either already know this, or they don’t realize they are unhappy until we begin to work through the constructs they have designed to avoid dealing with their true feelings.

In both cases, what is often missing is a deeper sense of joy and fulfillment. This is something we cannot get from external sources. It comes from within, when we are connected to our passion and our authentic nature.

It’s important to remember that there is nothing wrong with you if you find yourself in this situation. Don’t beat yourself up for not having figured it out. This is part of the journey, part of your growth as a human being. In our society, very few of us have had the benefit as young children to witness healthy emotional behavior. We are often not taught how to express our feelings, or even recognize them.

Over several posts, I’m going to share with you some clues that will help you to narrow down and identify your passions. They are all around you. Your true self is always trying to steer you in the direction of joy and fulfillment, it’s a just a matter of learning how to notice the signs. These signs are almost always linked to your emotions.

So here’s clue #1: Pay attention to what or who you are jealous of.

We’ve been taught that jealousy is a negative emotion. But really all of our emotions are signs that something is coming up for us. Jealousy is a sign that there is something the other person has that we want – whether that be a lifestyle, a job, a good figure, a relationship, etc. The key is not to focus on the object of our jealousy and steam about how unfair life is. You have to use the emotional clue to notice that this is an issue for you and something you have to pay attention to. In order to have the thing you are jealous or envious of, you will have to do the work yourself. Understand that if this wasn’t personally connected to you in some way, you would not be jealous.

I will share with you my own example. When I was working in the corporate world, I was always noticing stories of entrepreneurs. People who left their jobs and followed their passion. They got to work on their own terms and do what they loved and get paid for it. I so wanted their life. I wasn’t however, jealous of successful CEO’s or lawyers or doctors or concert pianists. These things didn’t have an emotional charge for me. That is the key: emotional charge. This is one way that we know we are connecting to our true self. Any time emotions are involved, we need to notice them and watch for the clues.

The trick is not to stay focused on the emotion of jealousy. Notice what it is showing you and then let it go. If you want that life, thing, job etc., you have to realize that this person has done the work to get it. The process for taking action is more than I can get into in one post, but I hope that in noticing some of your feelings you will be able to start to identify some potential areas for you to look into. Journaling can be very helpful here.

Many people live their entire lives half-living. They run on autopilot, never taking the time to explore and honor who they are and what they came here to experience. If you’re at a place in your life right now where you feel a sense of frustration, or boredom, or desire for something different, honor that feeling and begin the process of self discovery. It may require a bit of effort (anything worth having always does), but the reward of living each day truly happy and fulfilled is so worth it.

Start paying attention to this first clue, and I’ll share more in the coming posts.

To your health and happiness,
Feature Writer
Victoria Joanna
 

January 28, 2010

Madly In Love With Me Day

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About Madly in Love with ME™
Kicking off every year with International Madly in Love with ME™ Day on February 13th, the Madly in Love with ME™ movement was created to inspire, dare, and guide women and girls around the world to fall more in love with themselves. With events in cities around the world on February 13th, and a plethora of virtual opportunities women can use to create their own self-love extravaganzas, we are on a mission to reclaim self-love has hot, hip and hers for every woman and girl.

Faith Style is extremely excited to be participating in this important movement. I believe that “You must be faithful to your body, to your emotions, to your desires and most importantly to be faithful to you”. Because when you are true to who you are and love yourself just as you are great things start to transpire. Check back next week where I will be posting my personal Self-Love Manifesta, interview with Christine Arylo (creator of this amazing day) and a great giveaway of a ME Necklace.

 

January 28, 2010

Hitch Your Wagon To A Star ~ Emerson

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Walking into the front foyer I was met by an obnoxious, red, inflatable ‘jumpy castle’. You know the ones that are usually outdoors at birthday parties? Not this one. I could barely get around. It took up the WHOLE foyer. I smiled. Looking to the right, what would be a ‘living room’ was actually a living room. The pool table covered in toys, books everywhere. If I was 3 this would be heaven. 31…turning 32 on friday…and this was heaven. Most ‘living rooms’ are never LIVED in…more like museums, you can look but dare not touch. I’ve never understood that. It actually makes me cringe. Don’t even get me started on plastic coverings for couches. We can’t handle clutter, toys strewn everywhere gives us anxiety. A jumpy castle in the foyer? The neighbours??…what will they think? When we impose our own beliefs, what we think is right/wrong on our children…the wheels of their dream wagons slowly stop turning. If we can create space (even just a bit) for our discomfort to be, well, uncomfortable…what was once obnoxious, red, inflatable and subject to gossip…now becomes possibility. The WHO that really matters get to be the dreamers, explorers and adventurers who IN their castles, believe they can do anything. No boundaries, with the freedom that they can build their castles anywhere. Life lived by museum rules of NO or don’t touch, creates limits, restrictions and ideas. Children become discouraged to even ‘try’ new things. They no longer dream or even believe they are capable of anything. When WE begin to let go however NO becomes ‘try this’. Encouragement empowers failure. We learn from our mistakes. Let your own beliefs be just that, you’re own. The idea of how YOUR world should be (I bet) has held you back from enjoying what truly is important. The messy, juicy-ness of life. Cake batter on the counter, toys in every corner of the house, socks on the floor and for those of you who are really brave…a jumpy castle in the foyer…

love,
jodi renee (guest writer)
xo
 

January 25, 2010

How Your Story is Creating Your Life

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What is your story?  We all have one. We use our stories to define ourselves and to create our lives.  Maybe your story is, “I’m someone who doesn’t know how to make money.” It could be, “I’m shy and it’s difficult for me to meet new people. Another is, “I’m a working mother so I’ve got no time for myself.”

The problem with most of our stories is that they have very little to do with who we really are.   Frequently your story is based on beliefs that you’ve gotten from other people.  You probably picked up information from your parents about about yourself and on topics such as money, relationships and motherhood. You may say that you’re bad a sports because you were picked last for dodge ball, everyday in the third grade. Now your story is simply a regurgitation of what your parents said and/or what some kids said to you in the third grade. Unfortunately you haven’t considered whether or not you really believe what they said about you.  You probably haven’t challenged these versions of you, although they are integral to the decisions that are creating your life.

In other instances our stories may have been true at some point but they are no longer relevant.  Suppose you had dated a string of losers before meeting your current husband/partner.  If your story is ”I’m you’re not good at relationships,” you’ll bring that concept  of you into your present situation.  Instead of enjoying the relationship, nurturing it and using it  to grow yourself, unconsciously you may sabotage it because you’re not really expecting it to work. Instead of being compassionate and seeking loving resolution to problems, unwittingly you may create conflict with your man.  Compassion and resolution don’t advance “your story,” but conflict does.

My story was based on my liberal arts snobbery. It went something like, “I am a writer, a speaker, a person of ideas, I don’t know anything about business.” The idea of having to promote myself and my work seemed crass. Consequently I gained a good reputation as a writer and public speaker, but my income was unstable—feast or famine. Why? Because I treated my work like a hobby and not as a business.  I had no marketing or publicity plan, no annual revenue projections and my bookkeeping was a joke. With some mentoring I realized that in order to serve more workings mothers, to pursue my life’s purpose that I had to educate more women about what I do.

Like me, you now may be seeking to make changes in your life. You may have experienced some devastating event such as a job loss, a death or a divorce that’s made you reassess your life.  If you haven’t dealt with a crisis you may finally be acknowledging  the nagging feeling you’d had that your life could be better. It’s at this point of  recognition that you want your life to be more abundant in one or several areas.  You may desire financial freedom, better health, more loving relationships, supportive friends, etc. So how do you get it?

You’ve got to write a new story.  New Year’s resolutions, goal-setting and affirmations are all useless if in your head you are repeated the same old, limiting story about yourself.   Your new story has to detail what you want to bring into your life.  My new story is, “I am a successful entrepreneur who’s grateful for the opportunity to be able to work from home and to receive a great income for empowering working mothers through my writing and speaking.”

I’m not going to lie and say that now I’m a millionaire because I changed my story. What I will say is that by creating a new story about myself and my work,  I immediately felt different energy. This new feeling of abundance has also led me to reach out and to meet new people who can help me with my business.  They are helping me to learn how to more effectively market and promote my work. This new feeling has also led me to build more structure and intentionality into Yvonne, Inc.

I don’t believe in get rich quick schemes or overnight success.  Success takes work and dedication.  However, if you are pursuing personal and professional goals that have meaning to you, “work” can be fun and financially rewarding.   I believe that my new story is helping me to lay the groundwork to meet my a new goals. I’ll keep this version of “my story” until I’m ready to move to the next level.

I think that the take-away is: As your story changes, your life changes.

Possibly of interest:
Are You Treating Your Home-Based Business Like a Hobby
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Yvonne Bynoe, Feature Writer

Yvonne Bynoe is the founder of SophisticatedWomanandMama.com, a company that teaches working mothers how to lead more productive, but less stressful lives.  Download her FREE report:  5 WAYS TO LOVE YOUR LIFE NOW and  STOP BEING A GUILTY, STRESSED OUT WORKING MOTHER at SophisticatedWomanandMama.com

You can also connect Yvonne on Twitter: Twitter.com/YvonneBynoe and on Facebook at Facebook.com/YvonneBynoe

 

January 24, 2010

Perfect

Posted by befaithfulbefabulous under Beauty, Inspirational, Poem | Tags: , , , |
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If you attended the Honour Your Style Event that took place last week you were privileged to experience something extraordinary, the beautiful words of Fiona Suliman. My words cannot express the soul of this beautiful spirit. There were many who asked at the event and even there after for a copy of her powerful poem. Thank you Fiona for allowing me to share this with my auidence whom I know will be deeply touched by your words.

Perfect, Whole and Complete

Three words that I in no way used to describe me

I was funny and loyal and had a great personality

I was never the girl who I wanted to be

But this isn’t the story about who I used to be

I wanna tell you the story of when I opened my eyes

Not the ones I use to see my nose or my thick thighs

The ones I use to see the strength that lies inside

You see a girl who knows who she is

Is powerful and beautiful and radiates bliss

She is a girl who walks with her head held high

No matter what is being hollered from cars passing by

She is the girl who isn’t afraid of her tears, so they visit her less often

She is the girl who doesn’t see the things that she doesn’t want to see

None of it phases her; she is Perfect, Whole and Complete

Now a friend once asked does that mean you’ve given up?

Is there nothing more for you to achieve so you’re done?

You’re perfect, whole and complete?

The answer is simple, I’m never done.

Right now is all that matters

Right now I’m doing my best

Right now I am perfect, whole and complete

I will not let my past define me

I will not wait until my future to be happy

Right now I am living while before…

Well let’s just say, before there was a reason for change

And now that change has come

I wonder how I lived without it

And I remember…

Oh ya, I was the girl always trying to hide,

I was the girl who was loyal and kind

But those are just words used to describe

The girl who was victimized with tears in her eyes

Not because everyone thought she had a great personality…

BUT….

Yes, But…she’s a little heavy

She has a sexy voice but when her friends friends would ask

“Yo, what’s the deal with the girl who answered your phone?  Is she hot?”

You would say “no”

You see that made me, hate me.

But it has less than nothing to do with how you perceive me, but how I chose to look at my beauty.

It was those moments when I gave up my power by believing that you had any stake in how I feel

It was me victimizing myself to stay in the safe little 2 by 2 box that I could defined my entire self in.

It doesn’t matter if you think I’m hot or not

It doesn’t matter because validation isn’t necessary

When you have the answer inside of you

That box can’t hold everything that you are

Because you are bigger than your body and it has nothing to do with weight!

But, lets get back to that day… the day I opened my eyes

They were bloodshot and dry from years of crying on the inside

They were squinting, not quite ready to adjust to the light

This new light that was opening up inside of me

My heart was breaking

But not in the way you think I mean

My heart was breaking the shell of my self-hatred

My heart was opening to the beauty that was there all along

My heart was forcing me to see

Because I had forgotten

I had forgotten that I was perfect, whole and complete

That my Maker, made no mistakes on me

And that no person, not a single one on earth has the ability to take that away from me

I am my own best friend just like I was my own worst enemy

With my eyes now open and my language changing

Words like “can’t” turned into “probabilities” and “nevers” turned into “why nots”

I made my life into what I want it to be

See cuz I’m still loving, loyal, funny with a great personality

But I am also beautiful and strong and intelligent and sensual and well…I could go on and on and on but all you need to know is the woman standing before you, well she

She’s perfect and whole and complete

Written & Performed by Fiona Suliman. To experience these words by Fiona herself, click here

 

January 20, 2010

Stop Clicking & Start Living

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Let’s be honest and ask ourselves…

How many times have we sat at our desks, turned on our laptops or cell phones & mindlessly hovered over to the applications that pose no necessary importance or time sensitivity? How many times on weekends, vacations, essentially non work times do we check Facebook, Twitter or Email? Even when the interactions are not expected of us, we have a sense of dependence to maintain interactions with them. 95% of people on vacation check their email at least once, when we have a major deadline coming up, no matter how hard we try – it’s always a “quick check” of our online social spaces … Why?

How many times have we sat in conversations with others over drinks or dinner & while in mid conversation, mentally drift off into space thinking about who might be “poking” you on Facebook, responded to a tweet or maybe emailed you? Even when the person sitting across from us has taken the time to meet us with their physical presence, we value the surface level depth of conversation that is demanded of us in the virtual space. We’ve all done this before, and I’ve talked about this in a previous blog post as being “lost in artificial transactions” and somehow we manage to check the devices at least twice during the conversation … Why?

How many times have we met someone new, started a dating situation or even with lifelong friends have been unnecessarily frustrated over their slow instant message response time? Even when there is an ability to call, you send a text and expect the other person to respond in an appropriately instantaneous manner. Yet, if it was so important, we don’t call. We place so much emphasis on the instantaneous nature of text messages that we tend to check our screens several times over before we become so frustrated & value the relationship based on their instant messaging interactivity… Why?

There are more buttons here than on your face.

Jerry Seinfeld describes this scenario best with his interview on Conan O’Brien. “So is it true you don’t own a Blackberry? Oh no. I find that Blackberry people, their eyes, their pupils don’t focus… they always hold it in their hand, because that is what Blackberry commands them to do. And they listen to what you’re saying & they compare to what is on the Blackberry – which is more really more interesting here. I think there is more buttons here than on your face.”


But I’m Human in a Digital World.

At what point did our electronic devices become emotionally attached to our subconscious that requires more thought & attention than that of a newborn? When did we accept that the quantity of our online interactions were more important than the quality of our physical ones? And when did it become a negatively social practice to have delayed responses to text messages when there is no intention to place a phone call?

I’ve added the movie poster for the newly released theatre hit Avatar, because it sends a similar message in an awe inspiring way. A message about the beauty of a world so far from our advancement in technology; but when we watch this movie, we can’t help but be envious of the free spirited nature & connection with ourselves that the Na’vi possess – and for good reason.

But, it is because you are human that you possess the following qualities related to digital interactions – easily summarized in four e’s:

We all have a sense of ego: Showcasing status updates according to self defining tasks a day instils a sense of status, accomplishment, pride. Each time you update a status, a tweet, further enhances the image of reputation that you are coming to define – your virtual identity.  Most times, these updates/posts possess little to no self deprecating commentary positioning the ego in a desirable state.

We aim to maintain our sense of existence: With increased abilities to become “famous”, leaving your mark on the digital world has become much more accessible with “Internet Celebritcism” according to your niche. Telling others what we are doing, not only documents our accomplishments appealing to our sense of ego, but ensures that we are not left out of the conversation, belonging to a community, essentially building our prominent virtual existence.

We want to exercise our abilities: Once we become accustomed to the routine of touching, checking, tapping, unlocking our phones, the habit then becomes just that. There may not be of any obvious reason (ie incoming text, call etc) but just the act of ensuring our phone continues to live online, “checks us into” the digital world & certifies that we are doing any necessary damage control if needed & are alive and well in that realm.

We live in a realm of digital ecstasy: At what other point in your life can you define how people perceive you? First impressions are based on your hand picked avatar cropped and brushed to perfection. Your status updates are comments that you selectively garner that best represent your ideal character. The links on your twitter account are those that show you possess the knowledge & go to repository for all things relevant to your field. The digital world can sometimes pose as preferable to that of the real world because you have the time & ability to create the perception of self you desire.

Stop Pretending to be “Crazy Busy” and Start Living.

Edward Hallowell, author of “Crazy Busy” offers the explanation for the phenomenon of continued dependencies on electronic devices as a need to being perceptually busy. He explains that the generally accepted notion indicates that the busier you are the more enlightened life you lead. Indefinitely, the technology we’ve invented improves our human connections, and does not replace them. But it is when we let our electronic devices – and what he describes as a “curious magnetism” they exert upon our minds, that take control of us, forces us to consume more information & data points than necessary. They take over our lives & create the negative energy flow that causes more stress than improvement.

What I like about Edward Hallowell’s book is that he crafts terms for seen behaviours with very obvious symptoms we can all identify with. Here are the top 13 relating to our busy lives in the digital world.

Which ones do you find yourself guilty of on a day to day basis?

1)      Screensucking – Wasting time engaging with any screen (TV, video game, television, phone etc). How much time a day do you spend facing a screen?

2)      Leeches – Things/people that try to take your time away. How much time do you spend trying to make a failed project/engage in useless online interactions succeed?

3)      Email voice (EMV) – The tone of a person when they are reading email while talking to you on the phone. Many of you are guilty of this, but what you don’t realize is how much you are devaluing the conversation & relationship with the other person on the phone.

4)      Gigaguilt – The more storage you can keep (hence, gigabytes), the more you are expected to track/remember. Keeping track of everything is impossible and having time to please everyone is equally impossible.

5)      Kudzu – Clutter & piles that invade where we work or live, specifically email that we leave in our inboxes instead of deleting or moving to a folder because you’ll “come back later” when you never do.

6)      Junk Time – A person who spends time without intending to leaving insufficient time for what really needs to be done on thing such as instant messaging, celebrity news, voicemail, long winded people etc

7)      Telephone Tag – Resulting in no one wanting to pick up calls and calls back later

8)      Conversation Interruptus – Extended conversations have become a rare entity because of external electronic distractions

9)      Info Addict – Loses his/her ability to make a difference in life by trying so hard to keep up with all the differences other people are making, reading too much information not necessarily important all the time

10)   Human Moments vs. Electronic Moments – Human moments are increasing been replaced by electronic moments, less time is spent & preferred in each other’s physical presence  because electronic is hugely efficient, rapid and easy

11)   Pizzled – Combination of pissed off & puzzled when someone, without either asking permission or providing explanation brings out his/her cell phone to make a call or answer a call while you are together

12)   Fuhgeddomania – Forgetfulness and losing things are derived from data overload without structure in the environment (add lists, reminders)

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So what are ya waiting for?

Stop Clicking & Start Living.

Angie Lim
Feature Writer
www.angielim.com
 

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