Style is meant to be a fun process, in which you can take it upon yourself to do just about anything. Not sure what your style is exactly? Or maybe your lifestyle has changed and you’re not the Chic Urbanite you once were. The best way to forge a path to your new Signature Style is the process of discovery. Opting into in a few fun activities to get your creative juices flowing will do just the trick.

Go on a sensory shopping experience and become a connoisseur for your unique beauty. Here are some of my favourite style hunting activities.

1. Visit a museum; notice what catches your eye. Maybe that translates into a new colour palette.

2. Go to your local fabric store, play with pattern. Maybe you pick up a unique fabric for a one-of-a-kind dress.

3. Attempt a DIY project, get crafty. Maybe that turns out to be your signature element.

4. Venture into a vintage boutique, discover a story. Maybe that opens up the door to a new passion.

What do you adore? What do you love? Let your interests lead to your style. Have faith in the process. You may not find an entire outfit that communicates your style. But you will find something that makes your heart sing, your eyes see fireworks and your soul do a happy dance. Take that as a Style Sign. Maybe you come across a beautiful vintage rhinestone brooch that you can’t take your eyes off of…ask yourself what about it do you love so much? It is the fact that it has a story? Does it have clean lines? Does it sparkle? Come up with 3 adjectives that represent it. Take those words and look for the same qualities in a blouse or skirt. Once you’ve found a selection of items that communicate those core adjectives, the second step is making sure there is some contradiction/conflict. A little drama always sparks the curiosity of others. If there is flow add some structure, if the outfit is predominantly black add a punch of colour. Step three is putting the effort into the details. Your fragrance, jewelry, accessories, makeup and hair all unify your look making it more interesting.

Take a deeper look, explore the meanings and venture outside the box to create something unique. Translate that into a wearable outfit that emulates your essence and is an authentic representation of your soul.

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.

“I’m a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don’t ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk or your life on a bus or in a car or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter’s night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you’ve received your test results and they’re not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and them to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here’s what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you’d care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the colour of our kids’ eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live. I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby’s ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived”.

What we say (to ourselves and others) reveals who we are and what we believe.
Hard. Stressed. Overwhelmed. Can’t. The thoughts, choice words of Olympic athletes? How about a CEO or a baby just learning how to walk?
Hmmmmmm…I’m thinking that a gold medal, success or even walking, not close to possible with these choice words/beliefs.

Is it any wonder then, that not only was I thinking these things…but FEELING them as well!
Using limiting words we set ourselves up…FOR limitation. We don’t give our mind credit for how incredibly powerful it really is.
If hard becomes experience, can replaces can’t and we see stress not as overwhelming but an opportunity…doesn’t that already FEEL better?

In Marianne Williamson’s “Return to Love” she references parenting and our ability to dramatically effect the experience of our children just by the WORDS we choose.
NO! and DON’T DO THAT! generate a feeling that one has done something wrong. TRY THIS…a guiding alternative to a new direction.
Shame and fear vs. encouragement. Which do you prefer?

When things are going are way, using empowering words is easy. A determining factor in success, greatness and achieving our dreams however is our ability to still use empowering words…even when times are tough.

The words we use and the results we get…powerful connection.
What kinds of conversations are you having? What words do you use?
Have you confined yourself to your own limitations?
Choose wisely

I think it’s extremely important to know yourself on the deepest level and sharing what it is you stand for. Today I’d like to express my philosophies, the things I try to emulate and encourage on a daily basis.

Positivity breeds positivity. “The fact that there is always a positive side to life is the one thing that gives me a lot of happiness. This world is not perfect. There are problems. But things like happiness and unhappiness are relative. Realizing this gives you hope.”– Dalai Lama

Hope creates a smile that is intimate and real.

Peace: Let it seep into your bones and project it out through every outlet in your body, because it brings ultimate joy and happiness.

Do good. Be a good person. Check out the Daily Challenge to create profound change through small and simple daily acts of kindness.

Live every moment with complete intention.

Satya: is a Sanskrit word that means “the inner truth permeates all”. Be honest with yourself and others.

Love. A wise woman said “Love knows what’s best for every situation. Love transcends policy and history. Love innovates. Love is everything we’ve been asking for.” Thank you Danielle.

Change. “Be the change you want to see in the world” Gandhi once said. If you want to see change you must start with yourself.

Balance. Try to create it in work, in life, in love, in friendship – in all aspects of your lives.

Connect. Grow. Laugh. By understanding ourselves better, we can evolve into beautiful, authentic people. Experience the journey more so then focusing on the final transformation and remember to laugh along the way.

What are some of your philosophies? How do they help you create a rich and authentic life?

Ever since I was a little girl, I loved clothes. I remember my red shirt with the frills down the front, my pink blouse with the ballooning sleeves, my crazy yellow oxfords, my red skater dress with the twirling skirt – all of these I wore in public school. I remember spending hours pouring over pattern books my mom brought home, choosing from each page which sleeve I liked best, which collar, which length, expressing my preferences and honing my taste. Clothing was a daily act of creative self-expression.

I don’t just remember how my clothes looked. I remember how I felt in them – both how outfits amped up a particular aspect of my personality and also how they sensually felt against my skin. The mood of a flouncy skirt and sandals was so different from a pencil skirt and heels – and I loved them both. Over time, my changing wardrobe expressed different periods of my life. They represented me as a dancer, as a student, as an artistic director, as a club chick.

It came as a shock to me in grade 7 when I discovered that clothes could also define your status, and that people could use clothes to pigeonhole you. That was antithetical to my take on fashion but it was certainly a popular view. Over time, it also became clear that in many people’s view, being concerned with fashion meant that you were materialistic, superficial and quite likely, a snob. And if that wasn’t bad enough, we all know the impact that a limited view of beauty has had on the self-esteem and confidence of countless women and girls!

How could I in good conscious love fashion?

I think the answer comes in taking a stand for love. It’s crucial to our expression of ourselves that we be allowed to love what we love. Fashion can be a way of expressing our love for colour, for texture, for shape. With fashion we can celebrate our uniqueness, our sexiness, our sensibilities, our sense of humour. Where fashion turns against us is when we let someone else dictate what is loveable and what is not, the latter often being our poor, tender bodies.

So many wonderful things in this world can turn into cages when they’re accompanied by ‘shoulds.’ Fashion, work and life can all become oppressive when we feel we must follow rules that someone else prescribes. And fashion, work and life can be fulfilling and expressive when we define for ourself what is beautiful, what expresses our sensibilities and our spirit.

So, don’t be afraid to have style…

Your style.

I traveled to Italy to rest and rejuvenate from the challenges of running Aradia Uptown Toronto, my pole dancing for fitness business. I got rest and relaxation but I also got an unexpected education in style! After completing Safina’s Full Package Signature Style series I discovered I had a lot of ground to cover when it came to updating my style to match the professional business owner I had become in my 30s. I started to pay closer attention to style magazines and to what people were wearing on the street. I found glimpses of the signature style I hoped to create but found myself still on the look out for real inspiration.

Inspiration often finds you when you aren’t expecting it. Arriving in Italy I had my usual travel wear ready to go… comfy shorts, plain tank top and running shoes. When traveling comfort is king for me as my partner and I tend to walk from sunrise to sunset. But it didn’t take long for those comfy clothes to start to feel really uncomfortable as I found myself in the middle of one of the most stylish capital in the world. All around me both women and strutted their stuff in polished shoes and the latest in clothing and accessories. I have never seen anything quite like it. These people wore stilettos like they were their favourite pair of well worn flip flops. Everyone looked so fresh, vibrant and energized. Women flaunted layered outfits adorned with unabashed accessories. Men wore tailored tops and pants and carried fancy brief cases that rivalled even the most expensive designer purses. When walking down the streets I found myself ignoring the historical architecture and instead drinking in the beautiful people that adorned the sidewalks like wild blossoms in an open field.

I had found my signature style! These women were pulling it off effortlessly. Its free flowing breezy cottons tops and bottoms in air light colours adorned in lace detailing and accessorized in petite blossom scarves and long falling pearl necklaces. Its red hot heals that are actually comfortable! No kidding! I’m the queen of runners and I found a pair of heels that are beautiful and unbelievably comfortable from day one! There’s no having to “work them in” and I’m telling you they are stylish as hell! Its unbelievable but true!

Coming home was a bit of a culture shock. Everyone is dressed as I do when I travel. The energy feels grounded but lower. I look at all us Torontonians and think… we’re so uninspiring. I even ventured into Yorkville where women are dressed to the nines and felt the air to be more pompous than crackling and energized as it was in Italy.

When I got home I laid my new found pieces on my bed. My closet felt unworthy of such royalty. I immediately completed the clutter cleaning Safina and I had started months ago. All of a sudden all the old pieces I couldn’t part with seemed undeserving to lay in the same drawer as my Italian wear. I whittled an entire drawers down to one top leaving a ton of new empty space to be filled by beautiful pieces that make me feel crackling and energized.

A couple of days later I wandered into Au lit fine linens at Yonge and Davisville, a specialty store that serves a mix of vintage french furniture and fresh flowing clothing styles. I had wandered in just before closing but was drawn in by its crisp white feel. I wanted to breath in the energy I hadn’t had a chance to taste since Italy. As I was running out the door a cute pink cotton top with floral bunches adorning the neckline caught my eye. I didn’t have time to stop and check it out but I thought to myself… maybe there’s hope here in Toronto. I hope to keep my italian inspired signature style alive. I hope to embody the free flowing passion, beauty and breathlessness of this magical culture. As before, i have a lot more to learn but finally I have a point of reference and inspiration for my newly evolving signature style.

Guest Blogger, Alishia Sala is owner and head instructor of Aradia Fitness Uptown Toronto, a pole dancing for fitness company located in the heart of forest hill at Allen rd and Eglinton. Visit her website at www.uptownto@aradiafitness.com or contact Aradia at uptownto@aradiafitness.com or 647-284-6424.

It was an amazing experience to try on everything I own to show Safina. How I felt about showing her was often the determining factor of whether something stayed or went. If I was kind of embarrassed and unsure – gone! If I wanted to walk in beaming – keep! One thing I noticed was how important it was to me to express what it was about a particular item that had drawn me. So even if the piece wasn’t that successful, we knew that in my wardrobe I wanted sparkle, tailoring, sass, that kind of thing.

This experience wasn’t about someone else telling me my style. It was about getting clarity. It was about reminding myself what I truly love and holding that as the standard. For example, I like to dress a little bit formal. I don’t feel at my best in yoga pants or comfy jeans. I also work from home, so it’s a bit silly to pull out pinstriped pants or a sparkly shirt, right? Not so, says Safina. “Every day is special.” “You love it, you feel great in it, so why not wear it?” And the moment she says that, I know that I believe that too. That I’ve always believed that. How did I forget?

Safina set me a great tool for remembering. I’m not generally a shoe person, but I’m wild about the 2 pairs I have in that picture. I just lit up when I showed Safina the vintage metallic kitten heels. So, she told me to use that as my standard. “If you don’t love it as much as those shoes, let it go.” The goal is to aim for that lit-up energy when I pull anything out of my closet and put it on. Imagine!

And so I cleared with enthusiastic abandon. 4 large garbage bags of clothing will be finding new homes. I’m sure I’ve bagged up at least half of my wardrobe. Now when I get up in the morning and look at my options, sure, there’s a lot less to choose from but I love what’s there. And if those limitations mean I put on a spangly top or a pretty dress to spend the day at home and coach my clients – awesome! I feel great.

Raising your standards can be a bit intimidating. Often our wardrobe and our lives are filled with the mediocre because we know we can have it. It’s achievable. How do we know we can find/get/achieve the amazing? We don’t know. But we can have a bit of trust in ourselves and the Universe and take the chance. We just might find something truly remarkable on the other side. I’m going to go for it! How about you?

How can you get rid of the mediocre to make room for the amazing?

Women are taking this summer off from trying to do, be and have it all!

That’s right, we are all so tired of working so hard and never feeling like it’s enough that we’ve decided to start a modern-day revolution, and sister super woman, you are invited!

(men, if you have an overworked superwoman in your life, share this and she’ll love you for it.)

It’s called the Summer of Self Love, and although none of us are going to run off and tie-dye our leather handbags anytime soon, I think we’d all like to stop working so hard and start enjoying more peace, love and happiness in our lives. 

It all starts this Saturday with a FREE virtual tele-call put on by three women who really know what it takes to achieve and accomplish what you want, without exhausting yourself in the process – Marci Shimoff, the queen of happiness and best-selling author of Happy for No Reason, Kris Carlson, the queen of inner peace and best-selling author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women and Christine Arylo, the queen of self-love and author of Choosing ME before WE.

I really love what these women teach. They are real and wise, and they’ve had to learn everything first-hand, so what they teach works. They’ve lived like multi-tasking energizer bunny on steroids, exhausted themselves, and learned that life doesn’t have to be that way, when you know how to ‘be’ you life differently.

Overwhelmed & Overworked and What Can We Do About It?

Their take is that we have all been trained to be 21st Century Super Women, brought up to believe that we can do anything, so now feel pressured to do everything… perfectly… now and at the same time. Each has created powerful processes and insights that help women break the patterns that keep them working so hard… you know, powering yourself through your life… trying to hold it all together… not getting too emotional… driving yourself until you’re exhausted.

What they’ve discovered is that what we all learned in college and in our climb up the ladders has prepared us to survive in a man’s world, in a man’s way. We weren’t taught how to thrive as a woman… so woman to woman, these women are offering the best of their wisdom to women around the world so that we can achieve and accomplish what we want, without exhausting ourselves in the process. 

Click here to register for free now

Join them for an inspiring and eye-opening Saturday morning coffee-talk and get the smarts on:

• Why women are no happier today than in the 1970s, even after all the freedoms we’ve gained
• How to increase your personal happiness without adding to your ‘to-do’ list
• How to stop sweating the small and big stuff
• What Feminine Super Powers are and why it is SO important to harness them just as much (or MORE) than your “manpowers”

This knowledge is wisdom you can’t afford to live without if you ever hope to have that peace, love, happiness and freedom you work so hard to attain (that is after all why we all work so hard, isn’t it?)

Here’s to living a life where we are free to do what we love… and be happy and at peace doing it!

P.S. If you can’t make the LIVE call, no worries… you’ll get a recording so you can listen in later. Just sign up now by clicking on this link, and you will get an audio via email on Sunday.

P.P.S. Invite the other overworked super women you love to join this Summer of Self Love Revolution. They are all invited! CLICK HERE.

I am just coming off of a 40-day self-love practice of Receiving, and the one that preceded that was the 40-day Taking Care of ME practice that many of you have been doing the last 40 days. We started on Feb 13th and finished yesterday, March 25th by everyday waking up and asking ourselves, ‘What do I need to do to take care of ME today?”

So what is next? When I asked this question I got inspired by two things… 1. Last year, one of five 2009 themes was “My body is my moving temple.” I spent a whole year trying to bring that into reality and ended the year with a B-.  I want more! And 2. At the Madly in Love with ME Celebration on February 13th, I asked two transformational artists to perform something that embodied the energy of My Body Is My Temple, so that women could literally FEEL what that would be like. My friend Kalila danced an amazing temple dance, and Lone Morch created this amazing movie, My Body As Temple which you should socheck out on our you tube channel.

This all leads me and you! to

the “My Body is My Temple” 40-day Self Love Practice

which is the perfect practice to do now! We just celebrated Spring Equinox last weekend which is all about renewing and replenishing. Spring is a time to start shedding all that extra energy we were holding on to to keep us warm and cozy during the Winter months. In the Ayurvedic tradition it’s one of the main times to do a full body cleanse. And lets face it, Spring is the time right before bathing suit season, so many of us may have our bodies on our minds.

My relationship with my body has never been my strongest relationship. For me it’s not that I hate her, it’s that I forget about her. Like I can go months without looking at my toes, feeling my calf or noticing that I have this appendage called an arm. I take my body for granted, as if she is always going to be there to be the workhorse I have always expected her to be. As an achiever I have driven her past the brink of exhaustion on many occasions to ‘get the job done’ and the truth is that I have treated her more like a piece of machinery at my beck and call than as the temple that she deserves to be treated as.

The other truth is that without her, I would be nothing. I don’t exist on this planet without her. My spirit needs this form to be on this earth. None of the passions, missions, dreams I have can be accomplished without her. And although I like to think that I am in charge of her, the truth is that very quickly, if I don’t adore her the way a temple deserves to be adored, she will be in charge of me, and I won’t be able to do a darn thing about it.

Just think about any time you didn’t feel good physically — from a canker sore to a cold to a much more serious condition – you were at the mercy of your body, and the only way to change the situation was to treat her well.

Well, what if we treated her well before she revolted and got sick?

What if we treated her well, despite our judgments on what she ‘should’ be?

What would it be like if we treated our bodies like temples, and everyday that was the lens through which we made choices?

I am not sure what the answer is to that last question, but I want to know, and that is why today, I say YES! to this new self-love challenge…

(photo by Lone Morch, Lolos Boudoir)

here is how the self-love practice works…

1. Every morning, before you get out of bed, close your eyes and talk to your body. Yes, have a conversation with her. Ask her “Body, oh temple of mine, what do you need today?” Okay, I know it may sound a bit hokey, but trust me, this kind of stuff works. Fake it til you make it. In other words, be willing to try it, feel uncomfortable and have a breakthrough. Got nothing to lose.
2. Live with “My Body is My Temple” as a mantra and a lens to make decisions from. During each day and throughout the 40-day time period, think about the choices you make from the standpoint of, “Is this treating my body as a temple?” Notice I didn’t say ‘jail cell’ where you get all controlling and start putting crazy diet rules on yourself. I said temple. Think about food, movement, sleep, affection, clothing, bathing, anything that affects you physically. Make ALL choices based on what does support your body as a temple.
3. Adore and Adorn Her. Temples are beautiful places that are cherished and beautified. This means nothing other than loving your body for 40-days. No harsh words or judgments, just love. You start to judge? Stop and love instead. This also means bringing out her beauty. No sloppy sweats with stains or a shirt with a hole in the armpit. Think Aphrodite, what would she put on her temple? You don’t need a new wardrobe, just put on your body what a temple deserves, clean, pretty and loved items.
4. Try New. Whether its your food, your clothing, your body movement and exercise, whatever… introduce new practices into your daily life. Eat raw for a day. Wear a pink scarf to work, with rhinestones! Do smoothies for breakfast. Have fun by trying new stuff.
5. Share what your are learning. I’ll be documenting my journey on this blog and also on our Madly in Love with ME Facebook fan page. I know I will learn lots and you will too, and I’d love to hear what you are discovering. So go to our Madly in Love with ME Facebook Fan Page and share with the community what you are learning.

Last thing…

• Whatever you do, this self-love practice, MUST be about self-love. This means no rule setting, deprivation, starvation, crazy diets or anything that makes you get stressed out, feel bad or be hungry or in pain. The challenge is to treat your body like a temple, while loving her and you every step of the way.

SO excited to have you on this journey! And if you decide to join us, please let us know you are on board, by posting a message on our Facebook site.

With heart,

Christine Arylo

Inspirational Catalyst

author ● coach ● speaker

BOOK| www.mebeforewe.com

FREE SELF LOVE KIT| www.madlyinlovewithme.com

BLOG| www.daretoliveyou.com/blog/

TWITTER| www.twitter.com/christinearylo